I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
