remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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