While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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