Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
