i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize