You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
