Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
