I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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