3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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