Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
how drunk are you?
Several
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
