just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
