According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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