youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
