so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
