So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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