we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
