I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize