The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
