i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just threw up on my dentist
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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