Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
