Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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