if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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