Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
