So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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