Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
