I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
