All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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