"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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