my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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