i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
