How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
