So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
do herpes really smell.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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