I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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