My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hippo gnu deer
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
