; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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