Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
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