We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
