Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
