also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
