if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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