I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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