"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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