Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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