At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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