So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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