If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
