So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize