I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
