do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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