I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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