there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize