If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
