where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
