seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
