Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
