you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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