How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
