Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
