I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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