Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
