'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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