people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize