My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
