I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
