So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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