She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize