Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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