Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
