Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
