this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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